familiar quietness
by aviatorgirl
Summary: Lily hated not having a best friend. She missed it, the comfortable talking, the easy atmosphere. {snily friendship piece}


**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, as you very well know, the incredible JK Rowling does. I also wrote this for my friend's birthday a couple of years ago, but since I'm thinking of deactivating tumblr, I wanted to save some work here.

Lily hated not having a best friend. She missed it, the comfortable talking, the easy atmosphere. She missed the quietness that seemed to envelop her and his quiet, soft mumbled words. She missed awkward hugs and hi fives in Slughorn's classes. In all honesty she might've missed him (okay she was lying, she did miss him). But it wasn't like there was a hole in her heart that could never be filled ever, ever again (which was a tad dramatic to her liking anyway), but more like an ache. A deep burning ache, like a constant bruise you never saw coming.

Like when you do 30 sit-ups in a row kind of ache. It hurt and it hurt for awhile but the pain lessened, unless you encountered the 30 sit-ups again. And Lily encountered those sit-ups a lot.

She sighed and closed her eyes. It was 11pm at night and she needed sleep. Not metaphors to compare to her mundane life. She didn't need to ponder anymore. She didn't need to weep tears over lost friends. But the tears stained her cheeks nevertheless, like lost toys and fragmented family dinners and shouting of freaks and your-not-my-sister. Lily wanted to stop crying. But she knew she was weak. That she clung to the miserable line of friendship, worn thin and fraying. Lily couldn't stop, she was a loyal Gryffindor which meant her loyalty to her friends was her fatal flaw. She couldn't just forgive and forget, it wasn't like that. If Lily was true to herself, she knew that Severus had hurt her more than Petunia ever did (and Petunia had caused many wet pillows and used up tissues). More than James Potter ever did (that arrogant toe rag was while some people in the school hated her. The famous, sexy James Potter in love with a bookworm, what a joke). And Severus' pain had caused her more hurt than both combined and that was a lot of hurt to deal with.

She just couldn't believe that he could've hurt her like that. It hurt so much sometimes, but some days were better than others. But those days were she was surrounded by a bunch of her friends, she felt ironically lonely. She wasn't a social person. She was more library person, head in the clouds, making friends with Hagrid or the Giant Squid type of person. She didn't like talks about boys or makeup or personal things. She was the one talking about hidden wardrobes and thick adventure novels with strong, female heroines. She wasn't her so-called friend's type of people. She knew deep down some of her friends, like Marlene resented her. She knew they didn't think she was a good enough friend, didn't give good advice and was still mooning over the fact that her Slytherin friend betrayed her. They told her to get over it, move on, he was a jerk, he wasn't a Gryffindor, he was nothing. And in some way, their thoughts influenced her.

She wanted to take back the night where she told him to go away. She wanted to take back the night where she told him they couldn't be friends anymore. She wanted him back and he needed her. But that one word restricted everything from resolving.

Mudblood.

That word made her picture of black, frothing potion concoctions of Amelia Finnigan. Of green and red ink mixed with dirt and spread across a clean page. It stung her to be honest. She never felt ashamed before, never felt ashamed to be who she was. And she hated that he made her feel that way.

She sighed and turned over from her bed, fluffing the pillows. She wasn't going to sleep to tonight, like all those sleepless nights before.

"Lily, please I need to talk to you."

"Severus… Please, I can't do this right now."

"You say that all the time, I just need to make it up to you. Let me say sorry, let us be friends again. It won't happen again. Please Lily, I promise I won't ever hurt you again."

"You know you hurt me more than Petunia ever did?" I replied, turning to face him.

I watch him lower his head, the familiar quietness surrounded us again and I felt the need to embrace him and tell him we could be friends again. He lifted his head up and opened his mouth, as if to say something, before dropping his head again, his raven hair flopping into his eyes.

I pulled his chin-up to face mine. He watched me startled, obsidian eyes meeting green.

"I'm not the forgive and forget type Severus, you know that."

He watched me, his eyes telling me everything. He knew, but he clutched into the fraying string of friendship much like I did.

I moved closer and placed a kiss on his forehead. His eye met mine again and they sparkled with misery and defeat.

"Please Lily…"

"We'll always be friends, Severus. You will always be my best friend, don't you forget that."

And with that I strode down the corridor, my red hair swishing softly. I could feel his eyes on me as I turned the corner. I stiffen and began to run, I kept running until I reached the Forbidden Forest and collapsed in the dirt. I stood there crying, my tears blurring my line of vision. The tears fell, soaking into the soil. I gasped a deep breath in and raised my head to the sky. I took three deep breaths. One, two, three. I laid my head against the tree trunk, tears still running down my cheeks. After awhile I felt someone watching me. As I wiped away my tears, I thought I could see the faint glimmer of a patronus in the far off distance. But after my eyes cleared up, the patronus was gone. I closed my eyes again and tried to smile. The patronus, if I saw it right, it was a doe.

_REVIEWS ARE WHAT I FEED OFF SO PLS REVIEW, AHEM SORRY FOR THE DESPERATION. _


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